The Gifts of Grief
03.14.2025
As a coach, values are a key tool. They are foundational to who we are - part of our DNA that shapes our beliefs, guides our choices, and governs how we live. One of my core values is growth - seeking to learn from all of life and continually expanding into a fuller version of myself. Growth comes from many places, and I believe that life’s challenges hold the keys to some of our most remarkable moments of growth and transformation. It’s a perspective that has grounded me through significant challenges, giving me faith and trust that I would come through on the other side with a gift - and for the most part, I have. However, it wasn’t until I experienced profound loss that I truly understood what this concept really means.
2023 and 2024 were the hardest years of my life - more challenging than I’ve ever experienced. After a deep depression in early 2023, I lost my brother suddenly. And as if on a continuum of grief, my father passed in the spring of 2024, just 8 months later.
These were my first real losses - I’ve been weirdly untouched by significant loss, even through 9/11 and Covid. One major loss is life-changing, but two…? Grief compounded is total overwhelm - it shifted my reality so dramatically and quickly that I didn’t know how (or if) life would ever right itself again or how I would recover from it. I held tightly to anything familiar, trying to stay centered and grasping to find something - anything - resembling an insight or understanding to keep me from losing all faith.
Grief is the wildest ride of love, sorrow, and everything in between - a sobering wake-up call that strips away the superficial and brings us face-to-face with our deepest truths. It brought me directly to the center of my own shit and forced me to confront things about myself and my behaviors/patterns/habits that I knew never worked, but now really didn’t work - isolation, not allowing support or help, and hiding my struggle with judgment and shame. These were very behaviors that kept me away from the things I’m always chasing - love, connection, intimacy, being seen - the things that give life meaning and that matter at the very end of it.
My journey through grief and healing wasn’t linear or quick, but little by little, layer by layer, I healed. As 2024 came to an end, I started to rediscover myself—not the person I was before, but someone new, someone shaped by loss yet stronger, more open, kinder to others and myself. Through this healing process, I realized that allowing myself to be vulnerable and fully seen - with brilliance and broken bits - was the access point to love that I’d been seeking for my whole life. And it was the way forward. The friends (‘friends’ is an insufficient word as they are really family) that supported and held me, patiently and gently, through the darkest days of my life, let me dip my toe in the water of allowing myself - my full self - to be loved. They taught me the beginning of a new way of being - one that includes receiving, as well as giving, and a new level of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-worth.
I'm still grieving my brother and my father, and I know I always will as my grief shapeshifts and as I continue to grow. The unexpected gifts of loss have made me wiser, and more open - and the lessons and insights of it keep coming. While grief is a very personal journey, I wanted to share a few additional insights about grief that seem to touch all of us on a human level. I hope these offer something to you, whether you’re grieving or not:
Loss is universal. While the loss of a loved one is profound, grief isn’t just about death. Everyone experiences loss - a job, a relationship, a marriage, health, a pregnancy, a home, a sense of identity, purpose, or security. All losses shape us, often in ways unseen by the world. We never truly know what someone else is carrying in their heart. A little kindness, patience, or empathy can mean the world to someone silently navigating their own loss.
Grief isn’t just emotional—it impacts us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Some days are full of energy and strength; other days, anything beyond coffee feels impossible. If all you have to give today is 62%, and you give that 62%, you’ve given 100%. Your brain power, emotions, and stamina will fluctuate, sometimes unpredictably. Honor where you are. Do what you can.
Grief and joy coexist. Healing doesn’t mean replacing sadness with happiness, as if they are opposing forces - they are two sides of the same coin. The deeper our grief, the greater our capacity for love. Life isn’t one-dimensional - it contains the full spectrum of emotions. We can carry heartbreak while also embracing love.
Resilience is often mistaken for an innate trait—something we either have or don’t. But in reality, resilience is a practice - a muscle that strengthens over time as we learn to navigate challenges and change. It isn’t built in grand gestures but in small, everyday choices: choosing to get out of bed, take a baby step forward, and to show up for ourselves in tiny but meaningful ways. These are the bricks that rebuild our foundation after loss. And while we may not feel strong in the moment, every step forward—no matter how small—is an act of resilience.
Connection is everything. We are wired for connection, and it’s through our relationships—with family, chosen family, friends, community, and even pets—that we find meaning and strength. The balance of giving and receiving—allowing ourselves to be supported while also holding space for others—creates a profound sense of purpose and adds meaning to our lives.
And lastly, the biggest lesson for me in all of it: It’s okay to not be okay. Our culture often glorifies strength and perseverance, so admitting that we are struggling can feel uncomfortable and even shameful. But our worth isn’t measured by how well we hold it together. Struggling isn’t shameful - it’s part of being human. Vulnerability isn’t weak - it’s the doorway to authentic connection. When we allow ourselves to be seen in our rawest, darkest moments, we invite love and support. We are all worthy of love, not just in our joy but also in our darkest times.
Learning love through major loss was not at all what I expected. But it was the lesson I needed, and it reconnected me with faith that you will find what you seek - if you look for a gift - even in the hardest parts of life - you will find it and you will grow from it.
If you’re navigating loss right now, please remember that it will not be forever. Despite it all, you will grow as well, and your grief will change as you do. Give yourself grace and time, and when you’re ready, look for the ways your loss might be shaping you into a stronger, more authentic version of yourself. Trust that there is a gift in everything, even when it’s hard to see.
My love and support to everyone who has suffered loss. You are not alone. If I can ever be of service or support to you, please don’t hesitate to reach out. ❤️
